Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
