do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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