his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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