Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
