Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
