I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
