if i can run in heels then i can drive
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
