I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
