dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
