Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pants are for mortals
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
