ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize