You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're so nebulous sometimes
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
