Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
