sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
