I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
