So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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