All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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