apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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