i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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