I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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