I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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