The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
handjob tips. give me some.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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