I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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