He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
