What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
