the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize