her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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