Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
