just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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