i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
