Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
