So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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