She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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