If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize