Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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