I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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