some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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