Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
id be glad to
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
