After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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