I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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