I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
