He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
