the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
