if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
