I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
