Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
