If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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