I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
