i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a search helicopter?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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