When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
