Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
