A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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