It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
