He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize