life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
