he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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