he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
