i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize