The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
