so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your penis caused this!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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