remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
