ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
