just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
