gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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