I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
