***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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