I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there was a trapeze. enough said
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
