don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
