You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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