My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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